I need something like Octahedral Imposters but for an AnimatedSprite3D Node >.< though I imagine I can hack a script together that does something similar based on a raycast to the fire and normal of face check to define which is visible.
Well, I didn't do it with a raycast, just took the X/Z axis of the fire and the camera and compared for the angle. But unfortunately options are limited on AnimatedSprite3D node as to how one would blend between each cardinal direction at the transition point, so it was very obvious when it flicked between North and North East for example.
My semi working way around THAT issue was to crank it up to 16 cameras in Blender:

Then use a function that determines cardinal direction to ensure only the 3 sprites most facing the camera were visible, and moderate the opacity to fall off as the camera moves.

Is it perfect? No.
Is it even a particularly good way to do it? Still no.
Will it work for this scene? Yeah I guess it's probably fine for a one-off.